Seven Days of Sohma re done
by Platapuss
Summary: Burger king? The pool! Tv time and the physics experiments. One week in the lives of teenage Hatori, Shigure, and Ayame. Comedy. duh
1. Monday

**This is the first of seven chapters, one for each day of the week. In this story Ayame and Shigure are in high school. **

'...' sentences are being thought. "..." sentences are being spoken aloud.

It was Monday morning, the sun was shining, the birds chirping, and the students were cheerfully wishing each other good mornings and hellos as they filed into their classrooms. In sophomore Physics room 248 every student was preparing for his or her big project presentation. In the midst of this, Shigure Sohma was fast asleep on his desk, mouth agape, and drooling on his desk.

In truth, he was hiding from his female stalker, Hannah Hamilrushton. She was, as far as Shigure was concerned, the most annoying living being to have ever walked the earth. He would gladly befriend a swarm of mosquitoes and easily not find them as annoying as she.

'In fact…' She was probably watching right now as he 'slept'. Shigure cracked an eye lid open to check.

A mousy looking girl with pig tails sat in the desk across from him, intensely drawing his sleeping form.

"Eee!" Shigure squealed and clenched his eye lids together.

Wherever he looked she was always there. She was there in the halls behind his back, in the library behind the book shelf, sitting on park benches behind holed out newspapers, and waiting outside the bathroom door inconspicuously clapping erasers during third period. No matter how intrusive and creepy Hannah's habits became, Shigure just didn't have the heart to tell the strange American exchange student off.

Hannah was going to kidnap him one day, he was sure of it. He'd end up stowed away, tied to some chair, in her apartment somewhere.

She'd dress up as a frilly house wife and force feed him cake batter and dried apple slices, and whisper to him, "You're my first."

He'd shriek, "You're first what!"

And she'd ignore his cry and begin to finger his ear.

Shigure snapped out of his nightmare land and realized that he had a more pressing problem to worry about, other than of the eminent fear he felt from the disturbing creature next to him. Shigure wondered what disturbing experiment his cousin Ayame had managed to conjure up from hell to serve as his physics project. He could just see it now, a bubbling green frothy monster oozing onto the floor as it chased Professor Womandaughter around the room…

On a lighter note, his teacher had walked in to greet her class, "Good morning my lovely students! Are you all thirsty for knowledge?"

"YES TEACHER! We are dying from dehydration!" said the class in unison, except, for _'sleeping' _Shigure.

Womandaughter frowned; the usual chorus of response was off. She twitched when she spotted the cause. "SOHMA!" She growled, and chucked a large dictionary at his head.

"AH!" It his him square in the noggin and sent him flying to the floor.

"Score!" Womandaughter raised her fist in victory. "Well, now that you're awake we may begin class."

Shigure crawled back into his chair and watched the swirling vortex that was his classroom spin about his head.

"Shigure!" yelled Professor Womandaughter.

Shigure groaned. "Gahh, my head hurts enough as it is!"

Professor Womandaughter had poked a wooden pointer under his chin, forcing his head upright to hold his gaze. _'NO! I can't look away! And, eye contact only angers it!'_

"Where is you evil counterpart?_" _asked Womandaughter. "If you terrible twosome are planning something then you'll be washing the bathroom stalls for a week!" she shrieked.

Shigure shivered. He could just see Hannah waiting outside the lavatories, clapping erasers...

"I don't have the slightest idea teacher." He said and forced a rather large false smile out of his mouth. Womandaughter grunted and retracted her pointer. She glared at him for several seconds longer, obviously not believing him, and walked away.

_"Hmmm."_ Shigure thought and began to rub his chin dramatically. Where ever could his dear cuz be?

Usually when Ayame Sohma was late for school it meant one of three things:

**A.** He'd staged a false seizure in the main lobby. (To get out of a test)

**B**. He pulled the, "Help I've been hit by a car and can't get up!" gag. (To get out of fitness testing)

**C.** He was masquerading as a girl in another classroom. (For various reasons.)

"Well…" Shigure stated to no one other than himself or perhaps Hannah if she were listening, Ayame couldn't have used plan A, or else they would have heard the ambulance sirens.

_'Or.'_ he thought, _'...the wailing of his fan girls.' _

Whichever found Aya first.

Suddenly and quite abruptly, the door was kicked open by none other than, Mr. Pretty Boy, Ayame Sohma himself!

"Of course, I should have known he would pull something dramatic like this." Womandaughter groaned and checked the kid's name off her attendance sheet.

"Hello my peers!" began Ayame, "No more worrying over my whereabouts, for I am here! Now, I bet you're all wondering what brilliant creation I've come up with for my physics project?"

Ayame stood spread legged, pointing at his teacher. In his had he held a veiled mystery object of wonder. The veil was purple.

Womandaughter sat with her head resting on her hands in that bored sort of way that we all do. "Not really Mr. Sohma" she grumbled, "but why don't you take you place up front and show us all, since you're so very excited."

"I am going to stun the faces off of all of you!" Bellowed Ayame.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "I, the brilliant, beautiful, and brainy, Ayame Sohma have discovered..." _He had the fan girls on the edges of their seats_.

"Oh God he's pausing for effect." Shigure rolled his eyes. This could only mean that Aya was riding by the seat of his pants.

Ayame dramatically unveiled the object in his hand to reveal a jar of water. "…A WAY TO BOTTLE CUTENESS!" He proclaimed.

Thus, Cue the cheers and swooning of the fan girls.

"**F.**" Said Professor Womandaughter.

Shigure hit his head off of his desk.

"Mr. Sohma unless that's an extremely strong brand of vodka and you expect to intoxicate all of us to the point of stupidity I suggest you sit down and take a D for effort." Said Womandaughter.

Ayame chortled and ruffled his feathers, (figuratively speaking). "Teacher I know that the new technology and findings of our era may seem unbelievable to someone of your age, but please, I assure you this will work. I'll need two volunteers to help me present."

Immediately all of the girls in the class jumped up onto their desks, hands waving madly.

Back in her desk the teacher glared, but allowed him to continue. _'Did he just call me old?'_

"A magical jar of water, Ayame really pulled that one out of his ass." mumbled Shigure.

"Shigure how kind of you to volunteer!" Ayame appeared beside him and dragged his grunting cousin out of his seat.

Finally Ayame could begin!

"Now that I have my two volunteers (Hannah had magically materialized next to Shigure) I can begin to demonstrate my findings. You see this is no ordinary jar of liquid, it is a special mixture of chemicals that will make anything appear much cuter than it already is."

Hannah waved a hand under the jar just like Vannah White.

"The chemicals trick the senses into perceiving the affected object as something more appealing, and thus cuter. Allow me to demonstrate." At this, he splashed water all over Shigure.

"Ahhh! That's cold you buffoon!" shouted Shigure.

Reacting quickly to his cousin's hypothermic state, (that's what he told himself at least), Ayame threw Hannah on top of precious Shigure.

The room erupted into a cloud of smoke.

"Look! already my formula is working, Hamilrushton-san cannot keep herself off of my dear cousin!" Aya stood proudly as the smoke cleared, revealing Shigure the dog and a very confused American.

"Magic tricks will grant you a** C** Mr. Sohma." Said the teacher.

"IT'S NOT A MAGIC TRICK!" screeched Ayame. "I know how hard it must be for someone of you age to even begin to try to comprehend what amazing feats of genius are happening in front of you, but bear with me. Please. Besides, don't you think he's cute? He's so very, very cute!"

Cue fan girl swooning, "Ayame we want bottles of cuteness too!"

The mad scientist beamed.

"I am not old Ayame!" said Womandaughter. Her eye twitched, it was just too early in the day for her to be dealing with this.

Suddenly Shigure erupted into yet another cloud of smoke, leaving behind... well nothing. He and his naked ass booked it out of there.

"AAAAHHH!" The teacher felt like ripping out her hair. What on earth had possessed her to let Ayame Sohma present first? WHAT? Satan! That's who, SATAN!

_'Well, screw you, Satan!_'

"Ayame where did that dog go?" She pointed, pissed off and demanding.

'_shifty eye's_ Ayame stood confused, holding his empty water jar. "Away?" He guessed, and shrugged.

His professor turned red. "DEMON SPAWN! You get an F!"

Next chapter: **Tuesday:** _messy lunch time accidents_.


	2. tuesday

It was after school on Tuesday afternoon, and the Sohma's were eating lunch in Burger King.

**a/n:** _or whatever the Japanese have for fast food joints. A McDonalds, or Wacdonalds if you've ever watched Inuyasha. Whatever! On with the chapter._

"I can't believe you two dragged me into this place. Don't you both know how unhealthy it is here? It's like eating raw grease. It's like the time at lunch when we dared that boy to suck the grease off of the school pizza! He practically blew chunks on the table!" Yelled Hatori, who was waving his hands madly as his cousins ate their meals.

"You might as well just ask them to inject you with lard!" He said, finishing his tiny rant.

"Oh Gure! Listen to our Hari, he's going to make a brilliant doctor don't you think?" Said Ayame, nudging his cousin happily. "He's so concerned for our welfare." Ayame batted his eyelashes.

Shigure failed to see the connection between Hatori's rant and Ayame's infatuation. "But Hatori," he said, "that makes you a hypocrite. You're eating a grease slathered large Fri with a lard filled cheese burger."

Hari glared, "Come off it Shigure. You take me too seriously." He said, taking a huge bite of his meal. "Ayame," he barked, "get me some ketchup!"

While Ayame sped off, ever so willing to do Hatori's bidding, Shigure took the liberty of lying down in the booth they had been sharing.

Aya had refused to sit with Hatori because: "Refusing such a brilliant boy his personal space will only hinder him. A brilliant boy like Hatori cannot be squashed unfairly into a booth!"

Where the hell did Ayame pull that out of!

Shigure sighed and looked around the joint. "Hatori, where are all the sexy ladies?" Shigure said, wagging his finger.

"We're in a fast food joint Shigure." Said Hari.

As if he was supposed to know what Hatori was getting at! "So?" He responded.

Hatori rolled his eyes.

Shiugures face contorted. "But Hatori I need the sexy ladies…all over me!" Shigure clenched his fists in frustration.

"GAH!" Hatori growled. "Hot girls are skinny, why would they come here? It's full of lard!" Hari barked again.

Shigure frowned then had an idea. He sat up to lean forward and rest his elbows on the table.

"Why so testy today Hatori? Could it be teen angst? Or perhaps," Shigure leaned closer to his cousin, raising a brow, "sexual frustration?" He said in a sly voice.

Hatori just squinted at him in response, as Ayame pranced over, signaling an end to the conversation.

Aya grinned happily at both of them before dumping thirty packets of ketchup onto their table, and plopped himself down besides Hatori.

"Aya, what the Hell! You brought us like thirty bazillion packets!" screeched Shigure.

Ari tore open a packet and began squirting out its contents. He began coughing, "Exaggeration!" he sputtered in between coughs.

"I did not bring **you **thirty bazillion packets. I brought **Hatori **thirty bazillion packets." Ayame stated, once he had stopped coughing.

"So what did I miss while I was gone?" questioned the snake.

"Not much Aya," Hatori answered, "Mr. hot shot over here was asking about all the sexy ladies."

Shigure pounded his fist off the table. "I was demanding of them!"

Ayame harrumphed, as if insulted. "I'm gorgeous enough for the both of you!" His outburst was followed by a **very **long, awkward silence.

Hatori was the one to end their silence. "Right, so I'll be off to the lavatories." And with that he was off.

"Hey Shigure," Said Aya as he stared blankly out the window, "isn't that Hannah?" He said pointing, "Why is she hiding in the bushes?"

Shigure froze where he sat, eyes growing wide. Surely Aya couldn't be serious! He slowly turned his head to see if the snake was right.

She was right outside their booth!

'_Maybe she hasn't noticed us yet'_, he thought, trying to keep his composure.

Aya sat up and began waving madly towards the window. "Hello Hannah! Hiiii!" he exclaimed.

Shigure's eyes grew wide with shock. His initial reaction was, of course, to scream and curse. But, alas, he could not for his mouth was full of the soda he'd been drinking. Needless to say he reacted in the normal way, by spitting it all in Ayame's face.

"*****cencored*****" he yelled and dove under the booth, thus out of the range of danger.

Tears started pouring down Ayame's face, as he waved his hands madly in every possible direction.

"SHIGURE! You filthy Dog! You've ruined my silver locks! They are ruined! Destroyed! Oh God, and it's all over my new blouse!" He screeched in a shrill voice, and then began wiping himself furiously with paper napkins.

The filthy dog underneath the table was not listening. "Damn American! She was planted by demons to piss me off!" He said to no one other than himself, "She's the exchange student from hell!"

Several minutes later and Shigure had risen from the depths to finish off his fries. By that time Aya had managed to get most of the soda off of him, but now was a very unhappy boy. His day was completely ruined, along with his brand new blouse.

"Nung nung nung, hmuhshamuhsamush." Shigure sounded as he chewed rather loudly, and purposefully. He knew it pissed off his dear cousin thoroughly.

'_sweet revenge'_ he thought.

Hatori finally returned to them looking very disgruntled.

Ayame looked like he was meeting Jesus. "Oh Ari thank goodness you've come back to me! I couldn't stand another minute alone with this disgusting... Fiend..." He trailed off and began staring intensely at Hatori's crotch.

Shigure noticed this and decided to make a sly remark as usual. "Here I thought it was Hatori with all of the pent up sexual frustration Aya, but clearly it is you."

Ayame ignored his cousin and chose to focus on the fact that he was very, very sticky.

Hatori balled his fists. "Shigure! Stop being such a pervert!" He faced his cousin, revealing a large wet stain on the front of his pants.

The filthy dog blinked. "Um.. Hari what exactly were you doing in that bathroom?" He said, and put the last of his meal into his mouth.

Shigure suddenly conjured visions of his cousin sweating and panting in the urinal.

Hari grunted and sat in his seat. "I fell in the toilet."

The remainder of Shigure's meal came flying out of his mouth, and once again landed on poor Ayame, who instantly began bawling his eyes out.

"AHAHAHAHA!" He cackled hysterically, tears falling from his eyes as he pointed with one hand and slapped the table with the other.

"The is the funniest thing you've ever done!" He said between fits of laughter.

Out of the corner of his eye Hatori could see Aya urgently trying to rid himself of all the mess.

"Pfft," He tried to stifle a laugh. "HA, HA, HA!" Hatori failed and joined Shigure in the merry making.

"Oh god it's in my mouth! This is disgusting eew!" Ayame whined.

At that Hatori clutched his stomach and rolled onto the floor.

Ok I had to end it here! It's too long, I wanted to make it so the sexy ladies walked in on them laughing, thus making Shigure embarrassed and do _shifty eyes_.

**next chapter: Wednesday: **_at the pool_


	3. wednesday

**Well, in this chapter the boys go to the pool.**

_"The weather forecast for today will be sunny, with no chance of a breeze or precipitation. The temperature will be an astounding 98 degrees"_

Wednesday afternoon saw one, Ayame Sohma sitting on the edge of his seat, anxiously waiting for the end of school bell to sound. He could see the second hand slowing down before him, time was decaying he just knew it!

"Hurry up." He told the clock.

It didn't obey him.

"Hurry up!" Ayame tried again. He couldn't believe it, Time was disobeying him! In fact it seemed as if time were slowing down just to spite him.

"HURRY UP!" Aya commanded, shaking his hand in the air. Nobody refused Ayame Sohma, not even time!

"Chill Ayame, you look constipated." Said the boy next to him.

The bell sounded and he was out of his class like a race horse, flying down the hall gleefully cheering, "Hurray! Hurray!"

On his flight from the school Ayame slammed into Shigure, who flew backwards and landed ass up on the floor.

"Help I'm being assaulted! Somebody protect my frail self!" Aya cried.

"It's me Ayame!" Shigure called gleefully from underneath his ass, with his arms outstretched.

"GURE!" said Ayame before embracing his cousin. "Dearest cousin you gave me such a fright!"

Shigure's tail was practically wagging between his legs. "Aya I'm so excited!"

"Are you really Shigure?" said Ayame, grasping the dog's hands.

"Of course you silly snake! Everyone knows dogs love getting wet!" Replied Shigure as they began to Eskimo kiss.

"Oh then we must hurry," said Ayame, springing to his feet and linking arms with Shigure, "for life is short and we are wasting precious time!" he said, waving his hand dramatically in the air.

And, with that they skipped off.  
-

The walk to the pool seemed to take six hours. The heat was beating down on them and Ayame swore that he was melting like the wicked witch of the west.

"Why couldn't we drop our bags off at home first! I feel like a desert mule. I'm getting hot, I think I'm about to start sweating!" said Aya, before placing his hand on his forehead, as if he were about to faint.

Hatori panted under the hot sun. "Aya please Shigure and I both know that you're exaggerating."

"Hari?" Said Shigure.

"What?" said Hatori, growing agitated.

"Why is the sun being so evil to me?" Shigure moaned back.

And so they trudged along in silence, terrible, sweaty, panting, heat-exhausted silence- except for Ayame who had dropped his little charade and now walked along as he usually would, seemingly unaffected by the searing sun.

Hari shot an angry glance at his dog brained cousin, who was clearly panting and sweating buckets. What the hell was he thinking wearing a sweat shirt on a day like this!

"Shigure," barked Hatori, sounding very annoyed, "Stop sweating, you smell like a wet dog!"

Shigure pouted. "Oh Hatori why must you be so cruel to me? If I could rid myself of this affliction I would." He said, rather sarcastically and touched the dragons shoulder.

"HIYAH!" Hatori slapped him quazi ninja style. "Stay out of my personal bubble!" Hatori roared back. "You're sweaty and disgusting and I don't want your sticky mitts to touch me!"

Aya stepped in between them, absent mindedly twirling a finger in his hair.

"Now now you two, I know that you're both boisterous strapping young lads, but please! Don't waste your energy on crappy Kung Fu moves! If you must, vent your frustration out at the pool." Ayame paused and placed a finger thoughtfully to his chin. "In fact it would be better for you to vent your frustration out upon me!"

Hatori and Shigure grimaced.

Ayame continued, "Oh it will be so scandalous!" He clasped his hand together romantically.

Shigure raised a brow and looked at Hatori. "God only knows what he's envisioning," he said.

Hari could only nod in horror.

When they had reached the pool they headed straight for the locker room to change into their Speedos.

Shigure suddenly felt that he could no longer contain himself. "HIGHSCHOOL GIRLS!" he shrilly screamed, jumping into the air. Shigure began waving his arms madly about.

Hari groaned, feeling exasperated.

Aya waved him off. "Oh Hari he's just excited! All of his wonderful hormones are going crazy! His testosterone is pumping is excitement!" Ayame replied.

"High school girl's high school girls, I'm going to see naked high school girls!" Shigure sang.

'_His creative identity is clearly insane.'_ Thought the dragon.

Ayame joined his more cheerful cousin. "Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho," He chuckled, "Gure you Dirty Dog you!"

"Oh Aya you flatter me, really!" Shigure twittered.

After pushing Hatori into the pool Shigure sat down beside Ayame to ask him a serious question.

"Aya, why do you always wear a T-shirt when you swim? It makes you look like a girl!" Asked Shigure as he picked a wedgie.

"Shigure I've got to protect my creamy complexion." Said Ayame.

"And besides, anyone can see that I'm a man! Their only admiring my beauty, and you can't blame them, I'm flipping gorgeous Shigure." said the beauty queen.

Gure waved his hand dismissively. "Yes, yes we all know you're the god's gift to mankind."

Ayame nodded in agreement.

"So where did Hatori get to? I haven't seen him since we pushed him in." questioned Shigure, yet again, as he lazily surveyed the scene before him.

"Oh, " said Aya, pointing to his left, "he's over there playing chicken with those girls. That sly fox I'm so proud of him! Look how popular he is with the women Gure!"

'S_ure, he acts like he doesn't give a crap, but I turn my back and he's over there with all the high school girls!'_ Thought a very jealous dog. "Well, I think we should join him Aya! It'll be fun!" He said, with a lecherous grin plastered to his face, and began to swim over to Ari.

"No thanks!" Ayame called after him, "I wouldn't want to make the girls jealous!"

As Shigure swam off a beautiful god like of a man swam over to Ayame. "Pretty hot out today isn't it?" he stated casually.

"Yes." replied Ayame, clearly uninterested.

Mr. beautiful squinted. Clearly he would need to try a different tactic with this one. "So why aren't you over there playing with all of the other girls?" He asked.

"My cousins like to waste their energy on the affection of women." Ayame said casually, as if that were a normal thing to say.

Mr. beautiful blinked.

"and besides, " said Ayame grinning, " I don't want to make the girls jealous." He waved his hand through the air.

Mr. beautiful smiled back at Ayame, "Yes, clearly your beauty outshines theirs.

"Are you trying to flatter me, Mr.?.. " Aya stopped, realizing that this amazing person had yet to release his name.

"Call me Alphonse." said Alphonse, scooting closer to the snake.

"Well that won't work on me Alphonse. I'm not easily flattered." Ayame said, and then fluttered his eyes. _(lies, lots of lies!)_

**Meanwhile with Hatori and Shigure...**

"Hatori let me play this round! I love being on the bottom!" whined the dog.

"I'm sure you do." said Hatori, which caused all of the girls to laugh, and Shigure to pout.

Hatori hoisted a scantily clad female onto his shoulders. "Wait your turn," he continued, "you're next anyways."

Shigure pouted and settled to watch the match from the sidelines. He decided that watching three almost naked high school girls wrestle had the same perks as watching four did. Shigure grinned devilishly as he watched one of the girls almost fall off of her partner. _'yes, '_ he thought, _'perks indeed.'_

Yet as Shigure enjoyed the exotic show before him, something terrible happened. The curvy girl on Hatori's shoulders pulled the lustrous beauty off of the challenger's shoulders, causing her to fall onto Hatori.

"POOF!"

Hatori and the fallen girl disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving behind nothing but Ari's indigo Speedo.

Shigure squeaked. He must take action! He had to find his cousin before the little sea horse got squished, or became lodged in something unpleasant!

_'or very pleasant'_ he thought as he saw the girl resurface. _'no!'_ he mentally shook himself. _'mind out of the gutter Shigure! Time to save Hari!'_

He began franticly looking around for any sign of his more serious cousin, while the girls behind him chuckled over Hatori's lone Speedo.

"I can't believe this fell off! That must be so embarrassing, being naked in front of all of us girls." said the girl holding it in her hand.

"Yeah, aren't these supposed to stay on pretty well? It must have been too big, but it sure didn't look that way to me." The second girl grinned and winked to her friends.

The girl who had fallen on Hatori spoke up. "You're such a perv! I'm telling you this suit fit him in all the right places. If anything it was too tight." At this they all started giggling once again.

Shigure shook his fists at them. _'Hatori always gets the ladies! Why can't they ever look at my deliciously wonderful body! Hatori, Hatori, Hatori!'_

Ten feet away a small child had found the coolest new toy. "Look mommy I found a sea horse! Look mommy it's so pretty!" Said a little child as it's chubby fingers reached for Hatori.

The tiny Sohma squealed like a scared guinea pig and began to swim franticly away. "Shigure! Help Shigure I'm over here!" He pleaded, hoping that his cousin's keen ears would hear his pleas.

"Hatori?" Gure's head whipped around and saw a tiny gray sea horse trying to escape the tiny demons clutches.

If the situation had been different then it would have been one of the funniest things Shigure had ever seen. But, the thought of the child holding his naked teenage cousin was less than appealing, and could lead to a sexual harassment lawsuit.

So...

"Gyah!" Shigure screamed and flew through the air, knocking the fat child out of his way and shoving him under water in the process. The kid gurgled and choked then came up spurting water.

Shigure yanked Hatori out of the water. "It's ok Hari, I got you just in time!" he said, delighted, completely ignoring the wailing child next to him.

"That's great Shigure now get me my pants so the whole world doesn't see my bit's and pieces!" cried Hatori as he dove under the water to transform back to normal.

"Oh, right.." mumbled Shigure. He swam over get the Speedo from the girls, but when he tried to yank them out of a luscious lady she refused to let go.

"Hey!" She cried, "These aren't yours!"

Shigure scoffed and gestured down to his own black Speedo, "Clearly!" He stated.

They continued their little tug of war until Shigure finally managed to snatch them out of her hands. He then gave the Speedo back to his still naked cousin. "Well I'd say that this was a very good day Hatori."

A loud SLAP resounded across the pool. They all saw Ayame yell, "I'm a man you pervert!" before storming off angrily.

"HAHAHA!" Shigure began cackling as he realized that yet another guy had mistaken Aya for a woman.

"I bet he groped '_her_' this time." said Hatori rolling his eyes.

"HAHA-hack cough, cough wheeze!" Shigure began hacking violently, but it quickly stopped.

Hatori stared at him, with a '_WTF_?' look glued onto his face.

Shigure looked frightened. "I just choked on spit!"

**Thursday: The Library?**


	4. thursday

**This one took me forever to think of, I personally think it's the worst so far... Saturday should be brilliant. It's my brain child **_**(whatever that is)**_

Ayame placed his study materials on the gloss oak table before quickly glancing around for the librarian. When she failed to appear Aya then took a pie out of his bag and hid it behind his books. He knew that food wasn't allowed inside the library, but he thought it was a silly rule and had chosen not to follow it. Thought, he had taken precautions by choosing a secluded area of the building to set up camp, namely the tax history section.

Ayame sighed and leaned back in his chair, waiting for his cousins to arrive.

Hatori and Shigure walked around yet another corner on their way to the library, where they were meeting Ayame for, _'an intense studying session.'_ The first of their schools mid year exams were on Friday, and they were going to review just to be safe.

"Hatori you know we don't really need to review. The school has been cramming information into our minds all quarter." Shigure said dryly. He really wasn't fond of doing extra work, and as far as he was concerned this qualified as extra.

"Yes," Hari replied, stooping down to tie a loose shoelace, "that may be true for me Shigure, but you could always benefit from more studying. Besides, Ayame's math skills aren't much to be admired."

Shigure made a crude gesture with his hands and mouth.

He then crossed his arms and watched as a large fluffy marshmallow with legs crossed the street. Actually it was a dog, but they were the same as far as Shigure was concerned.

"Well I'm not studying Hatori! I'll just '_read'_ the whole time." Shigure replied, and waggled his eye brows. He cocked his head to the side when he saw that the dog was approaching him.

"Oh yes, we all know what you love to '_read'_.' Said Hatori, who was now unsatisfied and retying his other shoe.

Gure grinned and threw his arms up to pet the white dog, "I just lo-oooo-ve to read!" He sang.

Hatori grunted and stood up, finally finished tying his shoes. He looked up to see the white dog sniff Shigure's butt in a customary dog greeting. She then began walking around him wagging her tail.

At this moment Shigure began to wonder what exactly was going on, because normally dogs didn't show this much attention towards him.

'_Though they should because I'm the unrivaled master of all things canine!'_

"Umm." Said Shigure as the dog laid down on her back between his legs. _'well this is awkward.'_ He thought.

"Just what are you doing pretty girl?" He asked the dog that was now licking his exposed ankles.

Hatori watched with a bemused and somewhat entertained facial expression. Usually his cousin's canine encounters weren't this interesting. "I think she's quite taken with you Gure."

"How do you know it's a she?" Asked Shigure, although he knew Hatori was correct.

Hatori answered his question. "Because I can tell by the way she sways her hips!" Hatori then put his hands on his waist and began to walk around swaying his hips.

Shigure scoffed in response. "Just what I need, another Hannah." He tried to shoo the marshmallow of a dog away from him, for now he was quite fed up with her strange antics.

The zodiac's dragon watched his cousin try to walk away, only to have the dog follow him. Exasperated, Shigure stopped, which cued the white dog to start inhaling the air by his rear once again.

Hari chortled as his cousin finally began to bicker at her in dog language. The dog seemed oblivious to the boy's annoyance with her. She bowed her head and began waving her butt coyly.

Shigure Sohma's eyes widened and he jumped back. He pointed and screamed, "That dog just hit on me!"

"HA!" His cousin exclaimed. "What did she say to you?"

"She called me Mr. Sexy Pants!" answered Shigure.

Hatori could not contain his laughter, "You always wanted to be popular with the ladies!"

**Twenty minutes later...**

It took them a while but Hari and Gure finally managed to locate their cousin in the far corners of the library.

Hatori looked at the aged novels around them, deciding that he wouldn't be surprised if creepy magical creatures lived in the vicinity. The place was secluded. "Ayame it's like we stepped back 100 years. I feel like Sherlock Holmes or something."

"Does that make me your little basset hound Hari?" said Mr. Sexy Pants.

Hatori looked around waiting for a sign that explained what Shigure was talking about. "I don't understand..."

The ladies man crossed his arms and grinned wryly. "Or perhaps the Scooby Doo to your mystery inc? Eh, Hatori?" Said Shigure, wiggling his brows.

_Hatori had deduced many years ago that his cousins lack of sanity was caused by a mixture of schizophrenia, ADHD, turrets, and side effects brought on by being half dog._

Before the doctor to be could say anything in response to the mutts delusional ramblings Shigure sniffed and twirled around like the spry young ballerina he could have been, had he continued his lessons.

Shigure locked eyes with Ayame. "I smell pie." He said, with a demanding look in his eyes. His acute sense of smell had honed in on the delectable desserts aroma.

Ayame clapped his hands with glee. "You are quite right Shigure! I baked you both a pie!" At once he whipped the pie out from behind his pile of books.

Not at all surprised by the unsuspected appearance of a pie, "What flavour?" Questioned Hatori.

"Apple!" Said Aya. He pulled out a rather large pastry knife, seemingly out of nowhere, and began to cut out large pieces. "So who wants a slice?" he said, pulling a plate out from under a book.

Shigure rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I do, I do!" He reached foreword to take the slice, he could already taste it in his mouth.

Ayame slapped Gure's hand, giving the slice to Hatori.

"When did you have the time to make a pie Ayame?" Sad Hari between chews.

Shigure squealed with delight when his cousin finally gave him his slice.

"Oh Hari I was up all night baking. It was dreadful, I had to let it cool in the window. I was so afraid of something eating it!" Ayame said.

Hatori swallowed the last of his pie and mumbled to Shigure. "He's so comfortable with his rampant femininity."

Mr. Sexy Pants had somehow managed to defy gravity as he was currently brushing pie crumbs out of his hair. "Mmm." Shigure answered, nodding his head in agreement, or in a last attempt to rid himself of crumbs.

Just then he realized something. "Just a tic, Ayame isn't food not allowed in here?"

"I guess that's why were sitting in the middle of nowhere." When Hatori finished his sentence he saw a shadowy figure move past one of the farther bookshelves. '_hmm. So the magical creatures of the library reveal themselves.'_

"Ahh," said Shigure. He raised a finger to his silver tongued cousin. "Aya you sly snake you, you're always break rules, you naughty boy."

"Some day you're going to get caught." said Hatori absently.

"I hope that someday I get caught… with my pants down." Mumbeled Shigure.

"Hahaha!" laughed Ayame. "I can faint my way out of anything Hari." Ayame had the skills of a possum, or some other fainting animal...like snakes!

Hatori sighed. "The sad thing is you're right."

Shigure rolled his eyes, butamidst said rolling something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

"Look! Look at that! He's dressed like the Mad Hatter! Look at his hat! It's HUGE!" Shigure pointed excitedly as a person with an obnoxiously large hat walked by.

The man with the large green hat turned and glared at Mr. sexy pants for the unwarranted exclamation.

Why did everyone have to stare at him all the time, he was just doing his job!

He was the person that hosted story time in the children's section. It was he who had to read books to all of the annoying little children. The 'Mad Hatter' had been trying to take a shortcut, but gotten lost in this, this... Weird museum section!

When he had first entered it he was in shock.

Why didn't anyone else seem to notice how out of place this section was! The rest of the library was made of plaster and plastic, this had stone pillars and wooden floors! The bookshelves reached up to the ceiling, everything was lit by weird oil lamps and candles. That had to be a fire hazard right? Unless all the paper was fire proof!

_'Though I highly doubt that!'_ He thought.

And another thing, it was in the middle of the tax section! THE MIDDLE! He just turned the corner and kabam! 1862.

He felt like Alice in wonderland, and he was dressed like the mad hatter. "Oh, how ironic." He said and scurried away from the three confused teens.

"OH! I totally knew it! I just knew that was going to happen!" Yelled Hatori triumphantly.

"Knew what?" asked Shigure, who was apparently over his excitement.

"That some weird fairy tale creature would pop out! And there he was, that was the Mad Hatter, in the flesh!" the dragon clenched his fists and grinned.

"Don't you just love it when that happens?" said Ayame sipping tea.

Shigure blinked and looked under the table. "Where did you get that Aya?"

"Oh silly, did you think I'd bring dessert and no beverages?" Ayame replied as he pulled a thermos from underneath the table.

_'didn't I just look under there?' _Thought the dog. His cousin was a dammed magician!

So Ayame and Hatori continued to study for _'hours and hours and hours and hours, and Shigure read his naughty romance novel. _ All the while, the many hairs on Shigure's body stood on end as his nerves began to drive him crazy. He could feel something bad was about to happen, he just knew it.

A dog's senses were never wrong!

Ayame looked up from his text book and smiled brightly. "Oh hello Hannah-chan!"

Shigure's heart stopped and his head slammed on the table.**Friday: Tv time.**


	5. friday

**This chapter was inspired by my grandpa!**

Friday night found the boys staying in watching movies. Shigure was sick and tired of putting up with Hannah's stalker like tendencies. Ayame thought it best to get away from his fan club, in order to retain some mystery. Though, he did have to watch his baby brother... So, who knew if he was full of crap or not? As for Hatori- Well, Hatori was a nerd that didn't usually go out anyways.

"Gah." grunted Shigure who was slumped over on the couch lazily scratching his stomach. "What are we going to watch? There's nothing on the Telli!"

Hatori looked up from the medical journal he'd been reading and snatched the remote out of the pests hands. "Then I'll be in charge, all you ever put on is the shopping channel anyway." He said bitterly.

"But I think there entertaining! Why can't you see that?" Whined Shigure. "Besides, I need to get you a birthday gift, and I'm fresh out of ideas."

"Then you should get off your ass and shop like a normal person." Hatori snapped back. "Or maybe ask me what I'd like for once." He added.

"But it takes so much effort! And you liked the sweater I got you last year didn't you?" Replied Shigure with a hopeful look on his face.

"It was pink!" Ari yelled.

"MAUVE!" Gure retorted.

While the dog and dragon argued over the color of last years Christmas gift, Ayame was in the kitchen making his guests food.

"Oh I just love playing the host!" Aya said excitedly, clapping his hands together with glee.

"Hmm." He thought aloud, placing an index finger to his lips, "But what does a good host make for his over-the-top cousins?"

**In the background-**

_"Fine Hatori, but a REAL man could wear pink!" yelled Shigure, who sounded very ticked off._

_Hatori replied with the first thing he could think of. "Real men don't lick their balls!" It was quite the quip._

_"It, It's a dog thing! You just don't understand!" Poor Shigure looked horrified._

Ayame had the most brilliant idea ever. He reached into a cabinet and pulled out a box. "Yes! I'll make popcorn!" The plan was pure genius.

Aya put a bag inside his microwave looked at all of the buttons. He looked very confused. "Now how long does this go for?" He stared at the complex piece for machinery for a few moments longer.

"Pssh!" He put it in for 10 minutes then sat on the adjacent counter to wait.

**a/n **_(that's a long time for popcorn to cook_ . .

The other two boys had finally found something to watch on the television. It was a documentary about Hippos in the Nile river.

"Don't you just love the national geographic channel?" Hatori stated.

"It's alright, I guess." Shigure drawled out the second word quite a bit.

"You should really watch more educational programs." Hatori replied, engrossed in the program in front of him.

Shigure mumbled incoherently. It was something to do with, _'Nancy boys and Tofu.'_

Just then there was a loud explosion from in the kitchen.

Hatori leapt up from the couch and dashed away to investigate the noise. He ran into the kitchen to find a smoking microwave and a very disheveled Ayame.

Shigure's head snapped back, "The the hell was that!" He tried to get up but found that his body was asleep from the ass down. _'sun of a bitch my ass is numb!' _He wriggled around a bit before stumbling after Dragon boy.

The snake coughed and waved away the smoke near him. "Good heavens...My food is ruined!"

"Aya are you ok?" Shigure asked, waddling up to his cousin.

"Of course I'm fine Gure, but my food is not!" Complained Ayame.

Hatori had found the oven mitts and proceeded to open the microwave. Inside he found a charcoal like substance that resembled popcorn. Hatori squinted upon further inspection when he found the glass plate had cracked in half. "Ayame, What in the seven hells were you trying to do?" It was more of a rhetorical question than anything, Hari already knew Aya had tried and failed to make popcorn.

**a/n** _(My brother actually did that)_

"Popcorn!" Aya threw his arms over his head in frustration. "I was making you popcorn!" he screeched.

Shigure blinked, Ayame rarely lost his cool.

Hari held up the charcoal and broken plate, "How long did you put it in for?" He sounded furious.

"Ten minutes." Answered the snake.

And Hatori replied, "..."

Then Shigure weakly added in, "Isn't there a popcorn button?"

Sometime later the boys were once again sitting on the couch. They were eating a fresh, and edible, batch or popcorn that Hatori had made them. Because god knows Shigure and Ayame could not be trusted in food preparation. Ayame was too ditzy and Shigure was, was... Well Shigure just couldn't be trusted.

_"The water buffalo's migration across the Nile is very dangerous. It can mean life or death for all who dare to cross its vast waters."_ Said the narrator of the National geographic channel.

"Blah blah blah." Shigure said, stuffing his face with more popcorn.

"Hush now Shigure, something interesting is about to happen." Said Aya, bonking Gure off the head.

The narrator spoke again. _"The younger male bellows his challenge to the older hippo. He will now try to defeat him to take control of the herd."_ Two large hippos began bellowing and snorting at each other. They started encircling each other just as fifty wildebeest carcasses floated by.

Shigure spit out his popcorn and pointed wildly at the screen. "Look! Look at them, they're all dead!"

Ayame rolled his eyes."Shigure you really need to stop doing that." Hatori tiredly told his immature cousin.

"At least he didn't get it on me this time." Aya said nodding.

The hippos had stopped snorting and grunting. "The youngest is exhausted from his battle and has escaped injury." Said the narrator.

"WHAT!" Screeched Ari, "ALL HE DID IS SIT THERE AND YELL THE WHOLE TIME!"

"It's a metaphor Ari." Said Ayame. But, the dragon still didn't seem to get it.

Shigure explained to Hatori. "He shit his pants in fear Hari, that's why he's exhausted."

He then began to poke at his ear, the way people do when there is water clogged inside. "Ayame what is that horrible screeching sound I hear? Is something dying?" he questioned.

"..." Ayame stared blankly for several seconds, most likely listening for the source of the noise. "It's Little Yuki!" He explained then ran upstairs to take care of his baby brother.

"Let's change the channel shall we?" Said Shigure, flicking it to CCTV _(the Chinese channel!)_

Hari blanched. "How did you get the clicker!" He said, trying to grab it away from the dog.

Shigure grinned mischievously, "I snagged it when the plate exploded. Now shut up, I'm learning Chinese!"

_"Now to say if something is spoiled rotten you say, 'Chonghau le.' Repeat."_

"Chonghau le!" Shigure said.

Ayame had came back down the stairs holding a fussy Yuki in his arms. The rat whined and grunted in his arms, as if he were trying to escape Aya's clutches.

"Shigure put on the kids channel for little Yuki here, he's all fussy maybe it will calm him down." said Aya.

Shigure grumbled and changed the channel. "What... Is this show?" He said.

Yuki laughed and clapped his hands, because it was "Go Diego, Go!"

"The children's programs have certainty gone down hill." said Hatori, unsure of what to make of the cartoon.

Aya frowned. "Shh Yuki is trying to listen."

Hatori rolled his eyes, "Did he tell you that?"

And so they sat in silence and watched the show about the little boy who lived in the jungle and saved animals by unrealistic means.

Shigure was not one known for keeping his silence. "Diego is obviously a Colombian drug lord." he blurted out.

"What!" Exclaimed Ayame.

Hatori grinned. "And I suppose he smuggles all of his cocaine inside of the animals?" He pointed at a macaw on the screen. ⌠and you see that parrot, it's a robot. A secret spy camera he uses to watch the Gov't. Making sure the fed's don't find him." He added.

Gure's eyes gleamed. "Yes! Of course, that's why he can afford all of his fancy equipment. No nine year old I know has his own jet propelled backpack!"

Ayame rolled his eyes, "Please now your going to tell me that Maria isn't his sister, but really his crack whore!"

The dragon and the snake exchanged glances. "That's exactly what we were thinking."

**Saturday: Zoo**


	6. saturday

**Can you believe I forgot about Sunday? Now I have to make a chapter for that too! Codswallop. No no- I rebel. I have no ideas! This is the last chapter. Screw Sunday! It's not like that's a day anyway.. I mean come on. Who is conscious on a Sunday? Not I, Not I... well maybe I will, and I'll just delete Thursday. Hmm… Indecision!**

The neon numbers on Shigure's alarm clock blinked and changed to read, "5:00 AM." As soon as they did his blue telephone began to ring.

"uhhh." he grunted in response to the irritating noise. Perhaps if he ignored it the phone would stop ringing?

It didn't. "UHH!" he grunted louder this time, and waved his hand at the phone, trying to shoo it away.

_'Who could it be? Who calls at dawn?'_

Well, whoever it was, was being extremely persistent because the phone was going on its twelfth ring. The boy with the raven hair shook his hands in the air once before picking up the receiver.

"Hello?" He said.

"Shigure, I want to go to the zoo!" said the asshole that had awoken him.

Still half awake, and quite tired, Shigure Sohma stared blankly at his wall. _'this is such a waste of time,'_ he thought then watched a zero on his clock change to a one. It now read, "5:01 AM."

"I should be doing something productive," he yawned, "like sleeping."

The Ass continued. "So get your things together ok?" It was such an ungodly hour to be awake!

"Hatori! It's Saturday! Waking up before ten isn't healthy!" Shigure barked. This was absolutely unbelievable!

"I wanted to make sure you didn't have plans today." said the crazy dragon, justifying his action.

Shigure swore to the gods that his whole family was insane in some way or another. He rolled his eyes and yawned. "Whatever you want, dear cousin." He said, with words dripping in sarcasm and hung up.

_'now to do something productive..'_ he thought, before falling asleep sprawled out on his bed.

At ten Shigure stood at the bus stop. He would be taking the green, to the orange line, to the yellow, and then finally to the Zoo. That was, of course, depending on whether or not the orange line didn't catch on fire again!

The stupid piece of shit was always burning from one thing or another!

Shigure grunted and adjusted his backpack, which was full of snacks and drinks, and the handy-dandy medical kit he carried on such occasions.

Out of the corners of his eye he could see two people approaching. The one on the left he recognized as Hatori, the person to his right was too far to recognize just yet.

When Hari was close enough Shigure gave him a dry exasperated sort of look. "Morning." He greeted.

Hatori grinned and locked eyes with Shigure, "Are you excited?"

"Oh dear cousin, I am ecstatic." Replied Shigure sarcastically.

"Good morning everyone!" Aya said as he reached them. "As usual my timing was impeccable!" He said as the bus pulled up to them. Once it opened its door's Ayame began paying for all of them.

Imagining the chaos the three of them would cause today was really starting to improve Shigure's mood, that was until he saw Hannah approaching.

Shigure shoved his cousins out of the way and leaped onto the vehicle before he was even paid for. "MOVE MOVE! GET OT OF MY WAY!" He shrieked and trampled the people in the isle.

Hatori and Ayame shrugged and boarded the bus.

Shigure, Ayame and Hatori were squished onto one small buss seat trying to eat their early lunches.

"Shigure please stop it! You're bruising me with your manly hips!"

The dog's eye twitched. What more could he want? He was already plastered to the window.

"And darling Hatori cannot even stretch out his long legs, move over so that he can sit correctly!" Ayame demanded.

Hari knew his cousin was being ridiculous. "Here Aya, lets switch places so that Shigure will stop bruising you're 'delicate form'."

Shigure sighed in relief. He wouldn't be murdering anyone today.

Ayame stood up and grabbed a pole for support. "AAAK!" he cried and fell down clutching his hand. "I'm bleeding! I'm wounded! Gods, I'll get syphilis! I have aids!"

"That's ridiculous, you don't have aids." Shigure said and handed Hatori the medical kit.

_'I knew we'd use it.'_

Once at the zoo Hatori laid out the plan, the lost and found plan that is.

"Ayame, " he started with a roll of his eyes and a drawl in his voice, "when you do eventually get separated from Shigure and I, wait for us at the petting zoo." He paused, touching a finger to his lips, "That should occupy you."

Ayame huffed and flipped his hair out of his face.

Shigure grinned,"And besides, petting zoos are full of toddlers and new mothers," he couldn't help himself, "they'll be able to take care of you while were away!"

Ayame moaned, "Oh Shigure your cruelty breaks my heart!"

Needless to say Ayame did get separated from his cousin's watchful eyes and was now meandering through the reptile house. He paused to admire a beautiful albino boa constrictor.

"Oh you look positively ravishing! Where did you get those scales? Those look just the ones I shed last month!" Ayame exclaimed and began speaking in earnest with the constrictor.

The boy behind Ayame almost died from shock, the man with the silver hair was speaking to the snake! He was like Harry Potter!

Ayame continued on with his conversation, "there so shiny and vibrant! Do you use some special vitamins the clean them?" he said to the snake.

"Mommy, Mommy!" cried the little boy, "That man is a ___Parseltongue_!"

The boy's mother ignored her drunkenly excited child, "now now you know it's rude to point fingers ___Bartolomeu_." She said and ushered him away.

Meanwhile Shigure was currently dragging Hatori through the Zoo on a wild goose chase in search of the source of a delicious smell. "Come on Ari it's this way!" said Shigure.

Hatori grunted and tried to yank himself free of Shigure's iron grasp. "Whatever, I can't even smell what you talking about!"

Shigure wiggled excitedly as they turned a corner and entered a wooded area of the Zoo. "But it smells so good! It must be a delicious vending stall, with fried dough, and pretzels, and corn dogs…" Shigure trailed off.

Hatori took note of the crowd standing in front of the exhibit in front of them. "We seem to be in front of the wolf's den." He noted.

Shigure looked appalled. "Well that can't be right! Where's the food? Where's the smell coming from!"

The zoo keeper in front of the crowd was speaking, "And here you'll see the alpha female, who is currently in heat. You and I can't smell it, but right now she is emitting some potent pheromones to attract the males of the pack to mate."

Hatori grinned and said, "Well Shigure it looks like we've found the source of your intoxicating scent!"He clutched his stomach and began laughing hysterically.

Shigure threw out his arms and wailed before fleeing the scene.

Later, after Ari had coaxed Shigure out of the girls bathroom, Hatori and Shigure found Ayame cousin immersed in conversation within the reptile house.

He was still talking to the albino boa constrictor.

"No I'm not seeing anyone. Does it look like anyone is beautiful enough to date me? Hohoho," chuckled Ayame.

The boa shook its head in agreement.

Shigure sauntered over to his cousin. "Come come Aya it's about time we headed home." He said.

Ayame pouted. "Oh poo, He was just about to tell me all about his woolly caterpillar!"

Hatori and Shigure gaped. "Time to leave!" they both cried and began to escort Ayame out of the building.

The snake hissed rather loudly as they turned to leave the reptile house.

Ayame gasped and turned bright red before spinning around to face the snake.

Hatori and Shigure exchanged confused glances.

"NO!" Ayame screamed, and stomped his foot, "I WILL NOT LAY YOUR EGGS YOU PEDOPHILE!"

**May or may not do a Sunday chapter. Have to think about inspiring things! End for now.**


End file.
